Richard Lemming
Category:People I'll update this with more details later, I wanted to add that timeline I was talking about real quick to get things started. Timeline of Richard's Life 1966 * February 13th - Richard Lemming is Born to Penelope and Craig Lemming in a sea cavern the couple had been squatting in for a number of weeks. Richard chewed his way out of the womb five months prematurely and attempted to scuttle away, however his father saw him and attempted to murder the newborn with a shotgun. Richard escapes into the sea and vanishes. * July 22nd - Richard is located by a local fisherman tangled in a net. After swimming into the ocean as a fetus, he was raised by a number of aquatic creatures and survived by eating kelp and sea turtle eggs. The fisherman notes that Richard has a birthmark which bears a striking resemblance to the sentence, "if you find this child please contact Craig and Penelope Lemming," including a relevant and up-to-date phone number and address for his parents new home. * July 30th - Richard is returned to his family and weened off sea turtle eggs. By this point, Craig Lemming has begun to desiccate in his Lazy Boy recliner, and is no longer an immediate threat to Richard. * October 11th - A young Richard crawls into the fireplace and is engulfed in flames for a full 30 minutes before Penelope discovers him. Penelope buries Richard in the yard, however after several hours he emerges from the soil and wanders back inside. He is left completely unharmed by this incident. 1967 * Richard turns one year old. Craig Lemming reanimates and attempts to murder his young son, but is outsmarted after Richard builds a number of home-alone style traps throughout the house. At midnight Craig Lemming returns to his recliner and resumes his slumber. * April 6th - Without his mother's knowledge Richard uses a typewriter to draft an entire novel titled 2000: A Space Adventure. Richard finishes the 220 page manuscript in approximately 3 hours. Richard picks a name from the phone book at random and mails the document away. A year later 2001: A Space Odyssey is released in book form and in theaters to critical acclaim. * August 22nd - Richard devours one of his brothers leaving only a skeleton. The skeleton continues to scream for a full hour before collapsing into a pile of dust and being blown away by a gust of wind. 1968 * February 5th - Richard meets his great-great-grandfather Shalmaneser lemming who, despite his age, looks approximately 25 years old. Shalmaneser teaches Richard and his brothers to run away from all forms danger during his prolonged visit. Richard is vexed by Shalmaneser's prolonged bathroom use and his pet worm Roberta who rode on his shoulder at all times. * February 13th - Richard's father is battled by Shalmaneser, who manages to defeat the crispy corpse of a man for the year. Richard has his first real birthday and receives an Easy-Bake Oven which he promptly lights himself on fire with. * December 18th - Richard witnesses Roberta the worm whispering something in Shalmaneser's ear which makes him burst into laughter. When asked about it, Shalmaneser tells Richard that "we're not so different, us and worms. We're both long, we both live forever. Don't worry about it." 1969 * Richard turns three. Craig Lemming awakens sealed in a crate on a cargo ship named O Pai Paciente in the middle of the ocean and murders the entire crew before returning to his slumber. 1970 * Richard turns four. While playing on the beach, he sees the outline of an approaching ship. After some time has passed, the rusted vessel comes into view, it bears the name O Pai Paciente in faded lettering on the side. the enormous cargo ship beaches itself and from its upper decks leaps Craig Lemming, who has returned once more to hunt his son. Richard Manages to behead his father with a Cutco knife and takes a liking to the brand. 1971 * Richard turns five years old. * Penelope Lemming joins the roving sex cult known to the FBI as the Patres Perpetuum. Many of Richard's brothers would be sired by the leadership of the cult. 1972 1973 1974 1975 * 1976 * Richard turns 10 years old. 1977 * Richard turns 11 years old. 1978 * Richard turns 12 years old. 1979 * Richard turns 13 years old. 1980 * Richard turns 14 years old. 1981 * Richard turns 15 years old. 1982 * Richard turns 16 years old. Craig Lemming's body parts merge together in a montage greatly resembling the scene from The Iron Giant in which The Iron Giant rebuilds itself after being blown to pieces by a nuke. Before Craig can strike the killing blow on his son, a group of hooligans lob a roast beef sandwich from a passing car, causing Craig to recoil in terror. Richard takes a liking to roast beef due to its ability to protect him from his mummified father. * April 11th - Richard gets a job at a local Arby's restaurant. Richard is well liked by his coworkers but management takes an immediate disliking to him due to his propensity to craft custom roast beef sandwiches and act rude towards customers. * August 21st - Richard invents a new form of roast beef and the entire restaurant is lost in the ensuing chaos. Richard is left without a job, however his paychecks had been anomalously generous for the entire time he worked at the franchise, leaving him with plenty of spending money. 1983 * Richard turns 17 years old. He awakens in a coffee shop and his father is seated at the table with him. Craig Lemming is dressed in a wrinkled suit and his hair is freshly cut and slicked back. The two have a long conversation about Richard's life until that point and how Penelope is doing. Richard leaves the coffee shop and finds that, despite living in the Pacific Northwest for the last several years, the coffee shop he materialized in is located in rural New York. Richard sprints all the way home. * Richard begins attending classes at Oregon State University. It quickly becomes apparent to school officials that he has not only failed to sign up for any of the classes he is currently attending, but had in fact never applied to the school to begin with. Before Richard is forcibly removed from school grounds he is vouched for by a number of his professors, who have witnessed his incredible intellect first hand during their brief interactions with him. Richard is offered a scholarship by the university and continues his education there. 1984 * February 13th - Richard turns 18. While sleeping in his dorm room, he is struck by 18 concurrent bolts of lightning through an adjacent open window at midnight. Richard awakens in a morgue several days later and sprints home. Richard's father does not make an appearance. * February 22nd - Richard is chased out of his dorm by his neighbors who cite his terrible smell and noisiness, as well as his apparent penchant for attracting lightning (although there have been no new strikes since Richard's birthday). Richard purchases a trailer with his Arby's money and lives in the woods near campus. His prior dorm is completely destroyed in an apparent arson attack not long after. There are no survivors. 1985 * Richard Turns 19. In the middle of one of Richard's classes, a human skeleton begins to materialize in the middle of the room. Electricity arcs from the ethereal bones turning whatever it strikes into a glassy substance which evaporates into shimmering dust as the wind begins to pick up. The staff and students flee the room leaving RIchard, who watches in awe as the dust begins to stick to the skeleton forming nerves, organs, muscles, and eventually skin. Richard soon realizes that this being is his father and scrambles to produce a way to defeat him before he reaches full power. Richard uses equipment around the room to create a particle accelerator designed to fire a positron beams and uses it to capture the entity in a glass jar. Before Richard caps the jar, he hears his father say, "I stole lightning from god! Death is but a doorway, time is but a window! I'll be back Richard!" * March 17th - After similar but unrelated incidents to the Richard's birthday, which cost the university over half a million dollars in repairs alone, Richard is encouraged to pursue private lessons with his instructors in order to mitigate loss-of-life and foster his learning and development. * September 21st - During a biology lesson, Richard is asked to perform an anatomical dissection of a human cadaver. Richard frantically pushes his instructors out of the way, telling them that "there's still time." Richard succeeds in resuscitating the corpse, which had not only been dead for several weeks, but had also been partially chemically preserved. The individual reported feeling better than they ever had, although they had dreamed of a lake of fire during their time as a dead body. After a lengthy investigation, university administrators elect to grant Richard a doctoral agree and suspend all lessons with him in the field of medicine and biology. 1986 * Richard turns 20. The jar containing Richard's father finds its way to a frat party and is drunkenly imbibed by a sorority girl. The woman violently explodes and reforms into the leathery aspect of Craig Lemming who immediately sets out to find his son. 1987 * Richard turns 21. Richard buys himself his first alcoholic drink, Richard awakens to find himself in an elaborate dungeon and he is relentlessly pursued by the ghostly aspect of his father who is seemingly unstoppable. Richard determines that he is sleeping and Craig Lemming is fighting him inside his dreaming mind. Richard turns his massive intellect on his father, manifesting a cinder-block and smashing him 41 times until he comes to and realizes he has beaten a homeless man to death in real life. * August 19th - Richard Finally falls asleep after remaining awake since his birthday on the 13th of February. he sleeps for an entire week. Over the course of the week Richard's limp body is transported to New York City after being mistakenly loaded onto a plane. Richard's body, via a combination of sheer coincidence, dumb luck, and numerous pairs of opportunely placed mirrored sunglasses: stops a bank robbery in progress, causes a young couple to fall in love, befriends a child and teaches him to face his fears, solves several intractable math equations, assists a plucky group of neighborhood kids and busts a gang of con artists attempting to steal an old woman's fortune, foils a staggering number of plots involving public libraries and despicable corporate CEOs, and proposes to a down-on-her-luck waitress who has fallen head over heels for him. Richard awakens severely bruised and malnourished and immediately robs a soup kitchen and runs home. 1988 * February 13th - 1989 * February 13th - 1990 * Richard graduates from Oregon State University with degrees in Materials Engineering, Organic Chemistry, Physics, and Biology. 1991 * Richard lands a job at the Munich University of Applied Sciences and moves to Germany. Upon arrival he tells his colleagues that he took the train all the way to Germany causing a great deal of confusion. Richard refuses to learn German and thinks that everyone around him is doing a funny voice. 1992 * Richard is joined at the Munich University of Applied Sciences by Bruce Vanlouen. 1998 * Richard Leaves his career at the Munich University of Applied Sciences. 2005 * Son of the Mask releases in Theaters worldwide. Category:Unfinished Articles